Horrible Harvest

Midafternoon come and the bloated general stood naked at knee-level in the brown water of the pond. He grumbled curse words to himself as the lye soap cut through the dirt and soaked  his paper-thin skin. He slowly turnt as pink as the flamingos he’d must’ve seen along the banks of the Loxahatchee River.

Kenneth snaked around the twisted path to the pond and fount me squatting near a patch of cattails, picking at the weeds. “He our new instructor?”

“He is.”

We watched the man of blubber and bone struggle to apply soap to his underarm.

“He’s not a very fit fella.”

“No, he is not.”

“Father says he’s some sort of hero.”

“Of Loxahatchee River.”

“What did he do? I mean to be called a hero.”

“He ain’t give no particulars on the matter, but my guess is all he did was call himself that.”

“What’s he like?”

“Same as he looks. Unpleasant.”

“Father says he’s trained at West Point.”

“Didn’t train him to put down a fork.”

We give out some giggles.

The general turnt our way. “What’re you laughing at? Who’s that with you?”

“Kenneth, sir.”

I give Kenneth the correction that was about to come from the fat hero. “General.”

“What?”

“He prefers to be called General.”

“Oh. Sorry. General.”

“You Miller’s boy?”

“Yes, General.”

“Your mother wants me clean for supper.”

“Yes, General. She does prefer her guests to be scrubbed and polished.”

“Well, I am in a quandary here. As you may have noticed, I am of impressive size.”

“Yes, General. Impressive.”

I hid another gaggle of giggles.

“My arms. Well, they possess girth and density, as you can see, but try as I might, as much as I eat, I cannot get them to grow longer. So, while the rest of me expands, my limbs fail to find any vertical extension.” He spread out his arms to his side at shoulder height. “I cannot get into all the nooks and crannies.”

“Well, looky here. It’s fat Jesus.”

All eyes turnt to the new voice. There, eight-foot to our right, was Douglas.

I stood. “Wha-choo doing here? How’d you get loose?”

“Took me off the chain. This is my free time. You know what I do on my free time, fat man?”

“General.”

“What’s that, prince?”

“He prefers General.”

“Oh, sorry. You know what I do on my free time, fat general?”

The hero of Loxahatchee River didn’t give no reply.

“I come to this here pond. I wade in about knee deep. Same as you. And I take a big ol’ messy shit. Right about where you’re standing. Wash my ass right after.”

The general’s face turnt sour.

“Heard you say you can’t wash yourself. Not all together anyway. That true?”

“Who are you, son?”

“I ain’t your son. That’s who I am.”

“You look a little old and low white to be a student.”

A smile. “I am low white. Yes, sir. I am that, and I ain’t no student. I am a criminal, general. An outlaw.”

The general splashed water under his arms. “Mr. Miller employ a lot of criminals, does he?”

“I ain’t employed. I’m a guest.”

“Name?”

“What?”

“What’s your name, son?”

“Told you. I ain’t your son.”

“Tell me who you are then?”

“Douglas.”

“Douglas who?”

“Tennyson.”

The general give pause. “You related to the headmaster?”

“The what?”

“Mrs. Tennyson. The headmaster of the school.”

Douglas give his question consideration. “I’m a relation. Yes. She married an old shit stain that is my daddy.”

“And your father? Is he employed here, as well? Or is he too a criminal guest?”

“What’s with all the questions?”

“I figured I’m entitled.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because by your calculations, I’m standing in a pile of your excrement. I figured that entitles me to ask a few questions.”

Douglas laughed.

The general let loose his first smile. “You want to earn two bits?”

“Maybe. How?”

“The boy there. Not young Miller. The other one. Augie. He’s in possession of a razor.”

Douglas turnt to me. “You want me to slit his throat with it? Hell, I’ll do that for free.”

“I don’t know him well enough to call for a thing like that, yet. I want you to take the razor from him. Wade on out here and give me a quality shave.”

“Me?”

“You.”

“Why in the hell would I do that?”

“I told you. For two bits.”

Douglas give the offer thought. “Money don’t do me much good around here, mister. General. Whatever the hell it is you’re to be called.”

“Big Al Cato.”

“What?”

“Big Al Cato. That’ s what I’m called in the familiar. Big Al by my friends, which I’m hoping we can be.”

“Now why would I want to be your friend?”

The hero give a shrug. “Because I need one, and I’m a good friend to have.”

“Ain’t never met a fella in need of a friend who’s a good friend to have.”

The smile grow’d bigger. “And that’s why you’re a good friend to have. Observations like that. You’re right. In your assessment. I don’t have a lot of pull here. On this plantation. Rex. Off this estate, I’ve got influence because of my name. It gets me places. Possessions. Courtesy tugs. A tit or two to suck on. Various luxuries and services offered to a very select few. My friends are counted as members of those few.”

“Well, now I’m just confused. If you got all that beyond this plantation, why in the hell are you here?”

The smile thinned to grin. “Sadly, the world has grown poor. Fame has lost its value. The price of tugs and tits have gone up. Where once I could feast, I’m left with but morsels to nibble upon. I’m here to earn a fat mistress penny or two until the economics improve for those who bend at the knee for me. A day will return where they’ve disposable fortunes and greater good will to donate to the hero of Loxahatchee River.”

“The hero of what?”

“Loxahatchee River.”

Douglas looked to us to see if we understood the general.

“For Christ sake. You’ve never heard of the most important and definitive battle of the Second Seminal War?”

“The what war?”

“And your mother is a teacher?”

“She ain’t my mother nor my teacher.”

“You two. Little ones. You’ve heard of the Second Seminal War?”

A beat come and went ‘fore I answered. “Yes, sir. General.”

“Tell me. What do you know of it?”

“Started in ’35. Ended in ’42. The Seminal folks was forced by the president. Jackson. To move off their land. They didn’t give in to the notion without a fuss. Killed a good number of soldiers and such along the way. Went through a general here and there before they come upon some fella named Jesup who finally killed enough Seminals to make them amenable to moving.”

The naked general mulled over my explanation. “First, Seminals aren’t folks. They’re savages. Bloodthirsty demons. Second, General Thomas Jesup isn’t some fella. He’s a goddamn military genius. A hero. Taught me everything I know about being a soldier and officer. Show him a little respect. Third, it wasn’t their land. They were a defeated people. In a civilized world, defeated people don’t own what they can’t defend. By all that is right, they are obligated by honor to give sway to their victors. You boys have much to learn. Much to learn.”

“And just what is it you did to be called a hero, Big Al?”

“What it took. I killed and conquered for my country. Without hesitation. With great zeal. With distinction. Now I am cold and in need of a shave. Do you want the two bits or not?”

Douglas turnt to me. “Hand over the razor.”

I slowly done as demanded.

My brother by half squinted. “This fat bastard is gonna make hell for you and the prince for a good while to come.”

“I reckon he is.”

“I can save you a good bit of misery. I’ll slit his throat from ear to ear right here and now. Drag him to the river and feed him to the gators, I will. We’ll just say he took off. Walked his fat-ass right through them woods and out of sight, but I ain’t gonna do it unless you ask for it.”

I give Douglas a stare.

“Ask for it.”

Silence.

“Ask for it.”

“Still cold. Still need a shave.” The general’s voice took on a rumble.

“Last chance.”

Silence still.

Douglas stepped into the water. “Coming, Big Al.”

We watched as Douglas waded through the water. He stepped behind the general, and gently grabbed up the retired officer by his weedy, thin hair on top of his head.

“Tilt your chin up, Big Al.”

“Son, I don’t want a dry shave. Lather me up.”

Douglas give a grimace, swiftly jerked the general’s head back, and with his right hand, rested the blade just below the hero’s left ear. “I told you. I ain’t your son.” The edge of the razor cut into the layers of fat around the neck, and Douglas pushed it in with so much force, it sliced through muscles and tendon until it hit bone. If not for his well-bent spine, General Albert C. Cato woulda been headless. Instead, he got him a big-ass gash that coulda accommodated a fist. He give a gasp for air, blood spit and sputtered from the wound. Douglas pult his head back with great force and blood sprayed out in a terrible gush.

Me and Kenneth stopped breathing. Time died, and didn’t neither of us expect it’d start up again. We was froze solid in that moment the hero of Loxahatchee River near had his head stolen.

Douglas leave go of the general, and the fat man dropped to his knees, held himself upright for a split-second and then collapsed face first into the mud-brown water of the pond.

Douglas waded back to us and held the razor out. “Take it.”

Without a thought finding purchase in my head, I took it from him. “Why’d you do that? I didn’t ask for it.”

“I know you didn’t. He did.” He pointed to his left.

Me and Kenneth looked to our right and seen Mr. Stockton standing in the middle of the path, smoking a cigarette. Somehow, looking both annoyed and pleased all to hell.

Kenneth swallowed the lump in his throat. “Why?”

Douglas placed his blood-soaked hands on his knees and stooped down, placing his face just inches from kenneth’s. “Because your daddy called for it. Shit rolls downhill, boy. I’m the sumbitch who catches it.” He shifted his gaze to me. “You and me, little brother, we’re both at the bottom of that hill together. Shits coming your way, too. Soon enough.”

“Half-brother.”

“That’s fair. We’re halved together by the whole Devil. We’re cobbled together to do the wicked shit rich men ain’t got the jimmies to do themselves.”

I hated the world entire at that moment ‘cause I knew he was right.

“Why did my father call for this?”

Kenneth smiled and stood up straight. “The fat bastard was two days late. Cost your daddy some money. Probably not much, but you get in the way of a rich man and his money, you’ll pay with blood. That’s just the way of the world, little prince. You’ll figured it out your ownself when the day comes you lose money on account of some fat bastard that don’t know his place.”